Hm. How to put this...

So:

I had my MPhil to PhD upgrade viva/thesis defense, whatever you want to call it: the interview that decides whether you should carry on with your research project/career or just go back to shelf stacking/sandwich making/bust measuring/lab tech-ing/whatever.

I passed.

However: I very much feel that I only just passed. There were comments during the viva such as "This comment shows a staggering lack of knowledge", "Your fundamental assumption for this whole run of experiments is flawed" and "If you are going to have any chance of getting this thesis past an examiner, you are going to have to really focus to draw it together: I suggest that you don't leave the lab for any reason other than to go to the toilet for the next nine months".

Now:

Given that
A. This PhD has already made me so depressed as to warrant 6 months of psychiatric treatment
B. I'd had worries about the underlying logic and methodology, mentioned them to my Supervisor only to be repeatedly (and usually drunkenly) informed that I "worry too much".
and
C. Any chances of having a research career are fading like the ozone layer over Antarctica anyway. Partly due to my Supervisor seeming to have already decided that I will be his Post-Doc (despite me turning the position down on several occasions) to the point where he doesn't even consider that I might want to work elsewhere AND by the fact that I have developed a loathing for "Science" and its attendant beauracracy, politics and just plain lies which makes me very very hesitant indeed to stick myself on the rack of continual grant applications and liver-smashing networking sessions for the rest of my life.

...is there really any point in bothering to register for PhD status? Might I not just be better off just writing up what I have for an MPhil, throwing myself in the Thames (not next to the RNLI!) or just going back to technical work? I'm really not sure what to do. I have totally lost confidence in my Supervisor (for other reasons than mentioned here), dislike the subject I am working on and have no aptitude for it. I also seriously doubt that my levels of commitment and enthusiasm will enable me to put in the work needed to pass the project.

Answers on a postcard. Please send chocolate.

Hm. How to put this...

So:

I had my MPhil to PhD upgrade viva/thesis defense, whatever you want to call it: the interview that decides whether you should carry on with your research project/career or just go back to shelf stacking/sandwich making/bust measuring/lab tech-ing/whatever.

I passed.

However: I very much feel that I only just passed. There were comments during the viva such as "This comment shows a staggering lack of knowledge", "Your fundamental assumption for this whole run of experiments is flawed" and "If you are going to have any chance of getting this thesis past an examiner, you are going to have to really focus to draw it together: I suggest that you don't leave the lab for any reason other than to go to the toilet for the next nine months".

Now:

Given that
A. This PhD has already made me so depressed as to warrant 6 months of psychiatric treatment
B. I'd had worries about the underlying logic and methodology, mentioned them to my Supervisor only to be repeatedly (and usually drunkenly) informed that I "worry too much".
and
C. Any chances of having a research career are fading like the ozone layer over Antarctica anyway. Partly due to my Supervisor seeming to have already decided that I will be his Post-Doc (despite me turning the position down on several occasions) to the point where he doesn't even consider that I might want to work elsewhere AND by the fact that I have developed a loathing for "Science" and its attendant beauracracy, politics and just plain lies which makes me very very hesitant indeed to stick myself on the rack of continual grant applications and liver-smashing networking sessions for the rest of my life.

...is there really any point in bothering to register for PhD status? Might I not just be better off just writing up what I have for an MPhil, throwing myself in the Thames (not next to the RNLI!) or just going back to technical work? I'm really not sure what to do. I have totally lost confidence in my Supervisor (for other reasons than mentioned here), dislike the subject I am working on and have no aptitude for it. I also seriously doubt that my levels of commitment and enthusiasm will enable me to put in the work needed to pass the project.

Answers on a postcard. Please send chocolate.